She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
