Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
