We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
