none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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