Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
