If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
being pregnant is like rehab
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
