If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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