using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize