I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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