I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The air was thick with penises
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
