sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
