need another drink. this is the easiest way
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
