Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
