I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
