I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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