I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
