he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
