i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize