i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
