Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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