and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
