I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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