Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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