i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
