I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
