dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
