what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
