remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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