im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
