i barfeds in our rink
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
