I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
