Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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