I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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