I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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