i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
