wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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