some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
