Cold hands, warm shart.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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