I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
