are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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