so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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