so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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