gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
