so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
