Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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