Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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