ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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