Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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