I'm going to jail i love you
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
