You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
