smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
