Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
