carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
