just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
