my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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