ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
