I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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