I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
