bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
