Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
