Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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