Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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