Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
