you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
