i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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