6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
